Conversations with my Grandmother is an idea that came to me in November 2022 - 2 months after the first anniversary of my paternal grandmother, MaLanga's passing. Overcome with grief and longing for MaLanga, I realised that I didn't know her. I knew her as my grandmother who loved, spoiled and doted over me, but was she? What were her dreams, hopes and hurts?
And so Conversations was born. With my maternal grandmother, MaNdaba being my last grandparent, I wanted to keep her alive forever in the best way our generation knows how - on the internet. I decided to sit with her and ask her about her life, her thoughts, her hurts and what healed her. Through Conversations, I will always have my grandmother even after the Circle of Life does its thing.
The creation of Conversations has been quite a task. The name has changed 3 times, the location 4 times, and the questions more times than I can count. I mistakenly deleted an episode, lost light, lost audio, and damn near lost my mind. Now that we are mere days away from the release, it feels it fitting to look back on 3 lessons I learned from the most stressful, most exciting and stressful 11 months of my life.
Your people will hold space for you
I remember how scared I was to ask my Grandmother to do Conversations with me because of how personal it is. I finally gathered the balls to propose the idea to her, and to my surprise, she agreed immediately. She didn’t hesitate, or ask where it would be flighted, and when she saw the questions, she didn’t ask for any to be removed. Instead, she sat and poured her entire life out to me. Fast forward to the past few weeks where I was gripped by the most numbing anxiety and imposter syndrome. Never being one to hide my emotions, I shared this on my Instagram and was met with numerous affirming DM’s from my community. People were expressing how excited they are for this and how they are looking forward to consuming whatever it is that I have created. In both these cases, people who had absolutely no obligation to believe in me did. I learned that whatever situation I face in this life, I must always think of myself as Liverpool and know that I will never walk alone. My people will hold space for me.
2. Keep it simple
So I mentioned earlier that the location for the shoot changed about 4 times. See, I first thought of this idea in November and with my Grandmother visiting the following month, it was perfect. We were to shoot in the backyard, and even have fancy props like a teapot and rented outdoor furniture. My face would be beat for the gawds and we’d be shooting on my new camera that I was saving up for. Well, life happened and, 5 months and 3 location changes later, I was in my Grandmother’s garden on a plastic chair, no make up, no bra, no camera, just my Grandmother and I having these conversations. Watching the series, I realise that I didn’t need all that to create something as authentic and vulnerable as what I did. Sometimes, keep it simple.
3. I can do anything
For many years, I’ve thought of, recorded and even edited many ideas that this big head of mine cooks up and they have never seen the light of day. Partially, I am glad that’s the case because some of the things I was saying were very cringe. The point I am making, though, is that I have never trusted and believed in myself enough to see my work through. Even with the many financial, emotional and technological challenges I faced while making this, and regardless of the views, reach and impact, I did that. I had an idea, and all by myself with a pair of cheap mics, 2 phones and a laptop - I. DID. THAT. And I can do anything else I put my mind to.
These lessons are not just mine, but they apply to you too. Closed mouths don’t get fed, so use your words and reach out to the people around you for support. The worst that can happen is that you end up exactly where you are. And the best? The possibilities are endless. Sometimes, keep the tassels and glitter away so they don’t distract you from what really matters and finally, in the words of my Grandmother in episode 7, “Believe in yourself even if you have nothing. Tell yourself that you will persevere and do what you set out to do”.
Conversations with my Grandmother premieres 15 October 2023 on my YouTube channel. Watch the trailer here.
Listen to the first episode of Conversations with my Grandmother: The Podcast to hear about the journey to Conversations.
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