My grandmother worked as a domestic worker from the tender age of 20 until she was in her 60’s. I experienced her as an employed woman and to me, her working meant her waking up early in the morning, having porridge with us and being gone for a couple of hours. Upon her return, she would come bearing sweets and treats for us. On a few occasions, I went to work with her. We went to a nice big house and I even got to play in the pool. During this conversation with her, I realised it wasn’t always like that. And that her children’s experience of having a working mom was vastly different to the one I had. I learned that there was a time when she lived with her employers, and others when she woke up very early and returned very late. This is all during a time when their father had passed and they had to hold each other together as they navigated life.
Someone who had a familiar experience is Lindelwa Mabhayi. Mabhayi’s mother worked as a domestic worker for much of her daughter’s childhood and as a result, Lindelwa never got to spend much time with her mother. “I never lived with my mother my entire childhood. I missed out on having my mom before I went to school. She worked in East London and lived at her Madam's house. She’d only come back home at month end, and for only for 3 days and she’d leave again and I’d see her the next month end.” She says
The absence alone is enough to make a child resent their mother’s work, but this was not the case for Lindelwa. “I never resented her or the work she did because I’ve always known she was doing what had to be done. I just wished she could have stayed at home and left for work in the morning instead of living away from home” she explains. As can be expected, her mother compensated for the time away. “My mom bought me anything I wanted. I think maybe it was her way of making me feel better about her being away all the time. Whatever I asked for I got. Luckily I never wanted anything that was unreasonable.” she continues.
Like my grandmother, Mabhayi’s mother’s employees welcomed her children with warm arms. “When my mom worked in East London, I was still so young but I remember them being kind and telling me to eat anything I wanted in the fridge. I’d also play with their grandchildren which was super fun. When she moved to Port Alfred, I visited their farm almost every weekend. The madam was kind, is kind. She took me to the cinemas for the first time. She took me out to restaurants for the first time, yeah I did a lot of firsts with her.” she reminisces.
The sacrifices made by women like my grandmother and Lindelwa’s mom are the reason we are where we are and proved their love for their children. “Even though she wasn’t there, I never doubted her love for me. I felt it in her absence. I knew she’d do absolutely anything to make sure I was okay and had anything and everything I needed. I’d tell her that she is my role model.” Lindelwa concludes.
I imagine my grandmother's children share the same sentiments. That they wish they had her around more, but above it all, appreciate her for the sacrifices she made to ensure they have a better future.
Listen to Conversations with my Grandmother: The Podcast to hear more on the themes covered in the series.
Comentarios