The first question I asked my Grandmother in this episode is when she got her period. I was 11 when I got my first period. I had been looking forward to it since the year before when all the grade 5 girls were called into our English teacher, Miss Wolf’s class for the talk. I remember thinking we were in trouble when the announcement was made, and even though I knew I hadn’t done anything, I still felt like there was something wrong.
That’s how society has made being a menstruator feel. Period shame, like other aspects of misogyny, is worked into the thread of our daily lives as young children. During that talk we were called into in grade 5, we were taught how our bodies, how to to take care of ourselves and how to carry our pads. We were to have them in a small bag and hide them in our blazers whenever we went to change them.
And so began the period shame. Through those small acts, we were taught to hide our periods and everything that comes with them. And while it might not seem very significant, it is dangerous and invalidates menstruators' experiences. For one, it results in the kinds of feminine hygiene product ads we see where menstruators are depicted energetic and “can do anything - period”. While that may be true for some, it is not the experience of most menstruators but it becomes the expectation. Expecting menstruators to show up at their peak gaslights them into becoming these Mbokodo’s who show up even when they are in dilapidating pain and are exhausted. It normalises their suffering, resulting in them taking even longer to recognise when severe periods are a symptom of something greater, endangering their lives.
Perhaps not as dangerous, but equally annoying are the sentiments surrounding periods. Menstruators are made to feel dirty and disgusting over something natural. I remember briefly dating a man who held this view. We were supposed to meet up and I got my period. I told him and he went “EUW, I’ll see you some other time”. That man said EUW! For a brief moment I felt dirty and ashamed until I remembered, there’s nothing wrong with me.
Menstruators should be cared for and catered to during this time, and at the very least, respected. I am reversing the shame in my own life, in small ways. I’ve stopped hiding my female hygiene products, I speak candidly about my period and I let myself rest when I need to. There is nothing shameful about your periods. Speak about them and experience as they as they come.
Listen to the second episode of Conversations with my Grandmother: The Podcast to hear more on "The Perils of Patriarchy"
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